i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
