I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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