Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
