remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Dicks are not precious.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize