I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
