Will you blow on my dice?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize