Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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