A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
