I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
