I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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