But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
No subtext here. People are naked.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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