I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
