im drinking this country out of the recession.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
