I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
