The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I won't apologize to a one balled man
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
