drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Randomize
