Where did you get a picture of my penis
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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