at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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