R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize