I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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