Having a random hookup so left but love u
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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