Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
