i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
