I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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