It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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