You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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