I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize