YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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