I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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