I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
