and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
