I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize