Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
