no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
