I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he shaved USA in his pubs
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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