i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
