the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
