If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We have started to decorate penises.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
