Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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