Who did Billy Mays play for?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
