Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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