2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
