I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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