After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
