I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
