I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
you never un-have a 4some
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize