He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize
