If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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