I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
