He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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