Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
