I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
my shit smells like andre
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
