you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
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