I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
