This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
