I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
