My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
