Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
