i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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