I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
there's paper in my vomit.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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