your room smells of hookers.
And success
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
