If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
