This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize