My nipple is on Facebook.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
